Boxing Helena(1993 / R)
I rented Boxing Helena thinking it was a horror movie. I thought it was a horror movie because the Misfits wrote a song about it ("Helena", off their "Famous Monsters" album). Well the only thing horrible about this movie is Julian Sands. For those not in the know, Julian Sands is best known as the guy that played the Warlock in the movie..."Warlock". I havn't seen that movie in ages but I know I never previously thought he was a piece of shit.... but then I'd never seen Boxing Helena.
The premise of the movie isn't half bad. Here let me describe it to you in a way that doesn't suck:
A doctor falls into obsession with a woman with whom he's had a one night stand. The woman however couldn't care less about the guy. The guy tries to win the girl but she treats him like shit. One day the girl is hit by a car in front of the guys house and the good doctor takes her into his house where he promptly chops off her legs in order to save her life. The woman hates him even more after this. The Doctor has no intention of ever letting the girl go. The girl attempt to escape and the doctor cuts off her arms....
I'll stop there. But doesn't that sound awfully dark and twisted? It is... in concept alone. As it is that's the exact plot of the movie. What ruins it? Julian Sands ruins it. I've never hated a fictional character as much as I hated him in this movie. He's the most pathetic, whiny, whipped piece of shit ever to be put on the big screen. I don't CARE if that's how he was supposed to be... it ruined the movie for me. Fuck the writers and fuck Julian Sands!
There is a fair amount of nudity in the film, which I can't complain about, but that's ALL this films got going for it. But I gotta tell ya, it ain't worth it.
I hope you die Julian Sands!
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