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Texas Chainsaw Massacre(2003 / R)
I had mixed emotions about this movie because I had heard from a number of people before hand that it sucks, just isn’t the original, etc…, so I wasn’t expecting much going in. Thankfully I didn’t listen though because once you get past the fact that this isn’t the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie, it is still a decent horror movie.
First off, things that the 2003 version has in common with the original 1974:
1) It happens in Texas
2) A van full of kids gets killed leaving only one survivor
3) There is a chainsaw involved at times
4) Someone still gets hung on a meathook
Unfortunately that’s about it. The premise of the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre is that a van full of stupid hippie kids are on their way to a Lynard Skynnard concert after coming back from Mexico with a piñata full of pot. None of the characters seem to resemble the originals other than the fact that there are two couples. The fifth wheel is no longer Franklin (the annoying guy in the wheelchair) which is a mixed blessing because it was fun to watch him die originally.
There isn’t a crazy guy with a camera anymore since they now have a crazy girl hitchhiker that they pick up at the beginning. She’s the only survivor from Leatherface’s last playroom romp and proceeds to blow her face off (pretty vividly) in the van leading to the events to come. The kids decide to call the Sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) from a local house (Leatherface’s) to have him come pick up the corpse so they can go to their concert, but the Sheriff turns out to be Leatherface’s dad and the person that answers the door at the house is the replacement of the zombie grandfather from the original… essentially an older version of Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump.
From here on is the typical romp around the house, people get killed in brutal detail, and then Jessica Biel escapes.
The biggest downer about this movie is that most of the suspense and mystique of the original are gone and replaced with graphic gore.
Redeeming Factors
1) Freebird wasn’t mentioned
2) R. Lee Ermey is the crazy sheriff you maggots!
3) R. Lee Ermey gets ran over by a car 3 times at the end which was badass
4) Jessica Biel gets covered in blood then has a completely clean white top in the next scene. Come on people it was only a couple minutes apart!
Overall I was entertained by the movie and it was worth the rental. I started at 2 and a half Bruce Campbell heads since it just doesn’t compare to the original, but bumped it up to 3 after considering the above redeeming factors
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